The Story of the Oppressed Rodent

Picture if you will a tan gerbil with a white belly, laying half on its back looking up at you. Now in the middle of this gerbil is a silver sink drain, that round part that sticks up? And it's almost as big as him. Only move this to the bathtub drain. This mother fucker, would run, climb over the side of the bathtub and then not caring if there was water in it or not, would proceed to drive INTO the bathtub and try to escape down the drain. It was the sixth or seventh time of doing this that it succeeded. And that image of the gerbil, impossibly wrapped around the drain, partly down it, grinning at me, is what I woke up with in my head.

Now the only thing that would have been better, had I been the gerbil or in charge of the dream, is it giving me, the human, the finger, as it slid down the drain. 'Cause holy shit did this gerbil have conviction.

And then I woke up thinking I was looking at protoplasm on my ceiling. I don't know what protoplasm look like. All I know, there were multicolor circles with dots in them moving across my ceiling and my only thought was: protoplasm.

The lesson to this story kids is do not take midol on an empty stomach before you go to bed. Or shit like this happens.

September 18, 2004